I never ever thought that I would be in my 40’s and have a toddler. NEVER. I had my older kids when I was in my early 20’s and honestly I really think that is one of the best times to have kids. Mainly because you have the energy to keep up with them! Although, I do think in my case having kids younger was a good thing, I also have noticed that I do have a lot to offer my child in my 40’s. As a parent in my 40’s now, I can see the mistakes I made with my other two kids. I am working to avoid those with my son now. I also realize that I have more patience for my son than I did for the other two and I feel bad that they got short changed there. I know that a bad day with my son is not intentional on his part, there is something that is bothering him that I can not fix. I also know that tomorrow is another day and to let those bad days go.
I love that I am more present every day with my son than I ever was with my other two. I feel badly that they got less mommy and more busy person. When I had my older two, I had to work and put them in daycare. I regret that immensely because strangers got to see so many firsts and I got told about them after the fact. Which hurt. Deeply. I am very fortunate at this point that my husband works hard so that I am able to stay home with our son and be present for all the cute little things he does.
I would also tell my 20 year old self that kids are only little once. If you miss it, it is gone forever. With my first son, I had postpartum depression so badly that honestly I do not remember his whole first year! I ‘snapped out of it’ on his first birthday and could not remember anything aside from his birth! I missed so much! I was determined to not let that happen with my daughter and it did not. I made other bigger mistakes with her. Some of those I am still to this day trying to fix.
I was determined to not make those mistakes with my current son and honestly the first year flew by! I was honestly present for each and every single day. Good and bad. I am proud of myself as a mom that I am even working to do this at my age. It is not easy and I feel bad that I can not get down on the floor as much with my son as I once could, but we make the best of it! Kids at 40 is different than kids at 20. I am not sure how I come out on which is best for me yet. My son is amazing and I love all kids dearly. I can not wait to see what life has in store for me next!