I have a lot of friends on Facebook who have commented on my status updates about Charlotte and I am grateful for those words and people. Really I am. I know they mean well. Really I do. However, you are talking to a momma without her baby and telling her not to worry is kind of like telling the ocean to not be wet. Really it is. Worrying is a mom’s job. I do not have her home with me in my arms so yes I worry , when her numbers drop I rejoice but I worry that they will spike again. Like they did. When they spike I worry because I know that is not normal. See, I had 3 of 4 kids that had jaundice, including Charlotte. The others were over night or only a day or 2 stays at best. She is not.
There are other things going on here too that cause me to worry as well. I do not really discuss those on Facebook much because well… yeah. I do sometimes discuss them here and this is posted on my Facebook wall, but usually not every random game playing friend will read this, so I feel relatively safe talking about things here, not to mention it is my home and if I can’t talk about stuff here that affects the family where can I talk about it?
We are in dire need, but you would never know it. I am praying for a miracle every day and I know God is working in my life, but sometimes it is hard for me to sit still and wait. The incap pay from the military has not yet been approved that I know of. We ran into the holidays and I am not even sure it went to the board Friday. We need that money to pay the rent or we get evicted. I have to pay the bills or we have no lights or internet or food.
I am so not even ready for Charlotte to come home yet, I have no diapers for her or formula. I do have a WIC appointment on Dec. 8th but it is getting to that point. We have less that $10 in the bank at the moment. I am worried sick about all this stuff. Not to mention trying to recover from giving birth enough to take care of Jeff and deal with the house too. So much is piling up and sadly no we do not have family near by that can help. We do not really have many friends either. We are on our own. Which is hard in and of itself. So please pray or if you do not pray send some good thoughts our way cause we surely need them at this time. Oh yea, not to mention Christmas is around the corner. Sigh. I am just going to end this here before it gets to be a pity party.